What It's Like, Being In Canada For A Month...

Was so excited for this moment :)

Well I have now been home for a month. They explained to us how to handle going home at our last week in Australia. They made it clear, before we even left that we might have random meltdowns, or want to isolate ourselves. 

I've struggled with what I can or can't share with others. I experienced so much, no one here can completely understand. I knew in some small way that I wouldn't be able to possibly find the words to explain it. It's been said multiple times that even unless you have gone to Haiti, you wont understand what others who have gone have experienced. This feels like so much more than the times I went. 

In terms of being on "spiritual highs" coming back to the "real" world was nerve racking. Even though we were prepped for a week I still didn't completely know what to expect. Fortunately my childhood camp "Covenant Bay Bible Camp" emailed several times asking for a lifeguard this summer. I agreed, so for the last month that is where I was. I think that was God providing a more encouraging environment for me as appose to coming home to nothing specific to do. 

By the time I made it home I had about $30.00 left in my bank account. It was in the back of my mind, but somehow I knew it was going to be alright. Odd, because knowing I was going to camp, where I'd get some money out of it, but not a lot I wasn't worried. Sure enough, during the last month I've had enough to keep going. I feel like I've handed finances over to God and man, it feels good. 

I posted a status a few weeks ago. There is still healing happening from things that could have even happened years ago. 

What am I doing now? I'm back with Landscape Plus, landscaping. I know for sure I'll at least be there until the end of December. 
          The last specific thing I heard from God was to be involved with the youth at my home church, Hope Community Covenant Church and I've just spoken with one of the people taking up the job and sounds like the help is needed. I plan to help as much with HCCC's youth as much as possible this year. (YWAM taught us that when you're not sure what to do, go back to the last thing God said and do it)

Do I have any plans to return to school? Not in the slightest. Personally, I'm awful at tests. I know the stuff, I like a lot of subjects, but tests/quizes hit me hard. I don't know what I want to do with my life, so as long as I'm unsure, I don't want to be spending the money. Feels like it would be a waste of my time and a waste of money. 
          I am interested in doing a School Of Photography (SOP), also with YWAM. It's only located in Hawaii, and I'd need thousands more in equipment before I could go. Now, I'm not sure if that's God's plan for me so I'll be saving up with the money I make. If He gives me the go ahead, I'll be ready. If He asks me to do something else, at least I have some part of me prepped. 

There are days where I miss Malaysia more than others. The things that we saw and experienced, things that some people will never see in their lives. I don't understand it everything at all. Sometimes I really struggle with figuring it out, and those particular days I think it's obvious.

Somethings that I've struggled with since I've gotten back is lack of clothing. Wearing tshirts and shorts at least down to the knees really makes the difference. It is currently August 23 and I've just begun to wear tank tops again. I don't know how short I'll be able to stand my shorts anymore. When I got back to the airport in Calgary I almost had a panic attack when I saw how much of nothing some people wear. I swear, if I decided to try and hide anyone it would look like I was kidnapping them. 
        Now, anytime I hear "Break my heart for what breaks Your's" sung from Hosanna I almost start crying. Every time. My heart was broken so many times because of some of the things that was experienced there... I don't know how to handle a lot of it. 

I've had God bless me so many times in my short time back in Canada, it's incredible to see that happening when I couldn't see it as easily before. 

There are some people I hardly know, or don't see often at all and they've said they can see a difference spiritually now (one person didn't even know I'd gone to YWAM) and that is so incredibly encouraging to hear. 

There are days where I dislike Canada so much I consider leaving. Who knew it was so cold here?? I've only discovered this after living in the hottest places for 6 months. Jeepers, I don't know how I did it for the last 18 years of my life. But, Canada is still awesome to me....so I'll stick around. 

Well, I do believe that's all I have for this post. I suppose, if anyone has questions, talk to me. There is honestly so much I left out of other posts throughout my time.