Gibber jabber. All over. Week10

Brandon's shirts day.

I'm not sure where to begin this week... 

We had Sean from someplace else in Australia come to Port Kembla for us. He did have a lot of great things to say, just a lot to process. This someplace else sounds awesome and is 16hours away from here. It sounds awesome because of the name. Just sounds polite, nice, cute little place. There they run a coffee shop to help orphans (don't remember where, sorry) with the funds they receive. He told incredible stories, both sad and joyful. Some miracles and others just everyday choices that we could experience ourselves if we chose to live that day for God instead of being selfishly wrapped up in ourselves. 

Last week one of the staff leaders, Bryan, said [to me] that "the stones in the river are generally rather smooth because water has been running over them, softening them to their nice shape. Right now God is being poured over me, smoothing me, brushing away that sin." At the beginning of this week Sean said (summarized) "to focus on our sins, doing them or not, will lead us toward it. When you're trying not to sin, but think constantly 'don't do it, don't do it', we fall more easily. It's like with food. When we are hungry, our body's reaction is to eat. If we can't, we constantly think about how hungry we are until we finally eat. If we are distracted, it's easier to forget. Like the food and hungry, the same thing happens with our sins. If we keep focusing on God, we learn more about Him, appreciate Him, love Him and with those we are more willing to do His will. As we keep our focus on Him, we're distracted from our sins so more, and more fall off." I don't know why, because a lot of other lectures have been similar at one point or another, but this one completely clicked for me. 

Just to get a small idea of where I'm at, I'm going to answer questions on here that were asked this week of us.
Q1. Am I really willing to lay down everything to follow Jesus? 

Absolutely and completely yes. Currently that looks like giving up the idea of having a standard North American family. Whether I get it or not, I'll still follow God. Of course I'll be sad if it's not some form of what I hope for, but it wont stop me. Monies is another one. It's difficult to make some choices. There is what I want and what I need, while what I want is tempting, when I become someone to live off of supporters it will actually take great responsibility to be wise. Even when I go home and think about rent, bills, insurance, gas, registration, groceries, pay off debt and to tithe first, sometimes I don't have much money at the end of it, and that does scare me. I really do need to work on more of trusting God. It will always be a life process of giving up new things. 

Q2. Is there anything in my character He wants to speak to me about?

I am really not patient at all. Impatient. That's the word.

Q3. Is there anything that I'm doing for my own glory and not yours? 

Currently I'm at YWAM. I'm not doing it to impress anyone I know. I've always wanted to do something like this, and I found this place. I came for the experiences, knowledge, and now I can say I'm also finding healing. This is better than any therapist I could go to. Learning more about God in this setting and so deep and intentional, it really doesn't get better than that. There are moments where I think silly things like "Did that prayer sound good?", but it doesn't matter. I'm not doing it to make myself sound good. Moments like that I need to catch myself on so I don't make mistakes and sin.

Q4. What am I trying to control in my life?

I feel like I'm trying to control my life. There are so many wants I have, but I know that if God asks me to do something I'll do it...

Q5. What do I need to surrender to God? 

Going on outreach will help with this. I hang onto memories and people. Memories are good, but it can become unhealthy. The fact that I wont have access to Facebook will be really good for three months. It is addictive, especially when you're across the country. I think I need to learn to let go, and everything will still be okay.

•     •     • 

This week is for Owen: You would be proud. I go for a run almost daily (you can say it's not good enough, but you can't deny that it's not better at home). Not only do I go for a run almost everyday, when I do go for a run I get up at 6:00am. I start absolutely no later than 6:10. And I get back home...back to my Aussie home... around 6:45. When I get back I do a fair amount of sit ups for someone who hasn't really worked out in a while. Also I jump a fence every morning. I think I'll be ready for the Olympics by the time I get back. 

And Emily, no idea if you read this, but we should FaceTime/Skype soon. Meaning before I leave. You have until April 7th. I would suggest almost any day at 3:00pm your time. And your birthday doesn't count.

Friday night I had trouble with the idea of sleeping. Which is crazy because I'm normal out by 10:30pm latest. So Samma and I went for a brief walk at 8:30 and had a pretty good talk. Later I still couldn't get myself to relax, so Kevin, Michael and I went for a walk at 9:30, which was slightly longer. By a lot. Mostly because on the way back home his guy outside of one of the pubs asked where my shoes were.
That lead to us having a conversation where we were from, why we were here and things like this. He asked if we liked it here, of course (me thinking about the weather) we said yes. He told us how to get citizenship and we could be here forever. It was interesting how quickly it went deep...but he was intoxicated so I guess that makes sense While talking to him I tried to make it clear that what I was saying was my opinion and that's just how I want to live. He took it well and didn't appear to be threatened, which was great. Another guy came along and they eventually had a disagreement. After a lot of minutes of trying to stop the argument we decided to leave. I feel like going for more late night walks now.